Why Every Woman Should Have a Birth Debrief, Even If Their Birth Wasn’t Traumatic

When we think about birth debriefs, they’re often associated with traumatic or emergency birth experiences. However, I firmly believe that all women should have the opportunity to reflect on and process their birth, regardless of whether it was traumatic or not.

My birth wasn’t traumatic, but there was still a lot to process.

I personally don’t consider my birth experience to have been traumatic. However, it was significantly different from what I had planned. My son, Benjamin, spent three months in the NICU, and due to his diagnosis at 34 weeks, I had to transfer my care to a different hospital, far from home. I had originally planned for a home birth, hoping to build on the experience I had with my first baby—a physiological birth in a birth centre. I trusted my body’s ability to birth naturally and had hoped for minimal medical intervention. But, Benjamin’s medical needs required that I give birth in a hospital setting where specialists could provide immediate care and surgery within 24 hours of his birth.

This change in plan was difficult for me. Giving birth in an unfamiliar hospital with a medical team I had never met before was a big adjustment. I had to negotiate with the consultant antenatally to avoid induction, something that was quite stressful. I also had to prepare for expressing breast milk instead of direct breastfeeding, as Benjamin wouldn’t be able to feed orally for some time.

Labour began spontaneously (much to my delight, immediately I knew I’d avoided the induction battle) at 36 weeks and 5 days, and contractions were strong and regular by the time we arrived at the hospital. I was hopeful for a quick labour like my first, but the hospital environment slowed things down. Conversations with medical staff, assessments, and the unfamiliar setting disrupted my focus. Despite my best efforts to regain control, I eventually agreed to interventions I hadn’t initially wanted, including a hormone drip, continuous monitoring, multiple vaginal examinations, artificial rupture of membranes, and coached pushing. I even went through the procedure for an epidural, though I never had the medication administered. Ultimately, I gave birth on my back in a hospital bed—far from my original vision.

Despite these deviations, I felt respected and treated with kindness throughout.

I wasn't traumatised by my birth, but I still had a lot to process. There were also positives: I successfully avoided induction, laboured mostly on a birth ball, had immediate skin-to-skin contact, delayed cord clamping, and was able to express milk within an hour of birth. These were all things I had to actively advocate for.

This is why I chose to have a birth debrief with Meg who had supported my with birth prep antenatally. Though it wasn’t something I had originally planned, it turned out to be an incredibly valuable experience. Birth is a long and deeply personal story, and having the uninterrupted space to tell it out loud was transformative. Unlike casual conversations where people interject, compare to their own experience, or get distracted, this was a dedicated time to fully process and reflect on my experience. Simply being heard without judgment helped me gain clarity and a deeper understanding of my birth.

Birth debriefs are often reserved for those who have gone through trauma, but I believe they should be essential for all women. Reflection can help us process, find closure, and even identify areas where we may want to advocate differently in the future. A birth debrief doesn’t have to be a formal NHS service—it can be done with a doula, a birth educator, or even a trusted friend or family member who is willing to listen without interruption or personal input.

No matter how your birth unfolds, your experience matters. Having the space to reflect, speak, and be heard is something all women deserve.