I Tried to Advocate for Myself During Birth

Here’s what they don’t tell you…

In recent years, there has been a lot of noise encouraging women to advocate for themselves during childbirth. We’re told to know our options, speak up about our preferences, and make informed choices. But I wondered, is it really that simple—especially when you’re navigating a high-risk birth? Determined to try, I made a plan to advocate for myself. Some parts went well; others didn’t. Here’s my honest experience.

What Worked 

1. Pushing Back My Induction Date

As I approached 38 weeks, my doctor recommended an induction due to my high-risk status. However, I wanted to give my body a bit more time to go into labour naturally, so I asked to delay the induction by a week. After a long negotiation she agreed but as it turned out, I went into labour spontaneously the next day! It felt like a little victory.

2. Insisting on Immediate Skin-to-Skin Contact

One of my top priorities was getting immediate skin-to-skin contact if my baby was breathing and responsive. Thankfully, after he was born, he came out crying—and with an enthusiastic entrance by peeing all over me! I got to hold him right away, just as I’d hoped, and it was a moment I’ll always cherish.

3. Delayed Cord Clamping

Another request of mine was delayed cord clamping to allow my baby to receive more blood from the placenta. While it wasn’t delayed for as long as I wanted, the medical team waited for one minute before cutting the cord, which was longer than the default and only happened because I asked for it.

4. Hand Expression of Colostrum

Because my baby needed to be taken to the NICU after birth (this was expected due to my high-risk situation), I knew I wouldn’t get the traditional “golden hour” of skin-to-skin and breastfeeding. Instead, I prioritised hand expressing colostrum within the first hour to give him the best start possible. Thanks to a wonderful midwife, I was able to make this happen but I know it wouldn’t have happened within my desired timeframe if I hadn’t insisted on it.

What Didn’t Work

1. Standing Firm Against IV Antibiotics

One of the hardest moments came when I declined IV antibiotics. The midwife had recommended them because my baby was considered slightly premature (born two days shy of full-term). I was concerned about the impact of antibiotics on his microbiome and felt it wasn’t necessary given his near-term status. However, despite my initial “no,” I was reminded about the antibiotics every 30 minutes. Eventually, I was too exhausted to keep declining, and I agreed to avoid the negative energy it was bringing into my birth space.

2. Refusing Vaginal Examinations

Going into birth, I felt strongly about avoiding routine vaginal exams unless absolutely necessary. However, the same persistent approach was taken—every half hour, I was asked again. Despite my original resolve, I ultimately agreed to avoid the repeated disruption. In hindsight, I felt defeated by how often I had to repeat myself.

3. Declining the Hormone Drip

After several hours of labour, a doctor recommended a hormone drip to “speed things up.” I didn’t feel it was needed, especially as I was making progress, even if slowly. For about three hours, I managed to hold my ground, but in the end, after another cervical check I gave in. It wasn’t that anyone was rude or demanding, but after a certain point, you reach your limits. Their repeated suggestions made me question my instincts and, in that vulnerable moment, I agreed.

4. Limiting the Number of People in the Room

Lastly, I had requested that only my midwife, husband, and essential staff be present for the birth unless an emergency arose. I wanted a calm environment. But as I was pushing, I remember the room filling with more people, including doctors and the neonatal team. I’m still not entirely sure why, as there weren’t any obvious complications. Although they were there to help, it felt overwhelming and out of my control.

Reflections: When Advocacy Isn’t Enough

I used to believe that advocating for yourself during childbirth was a matter of education and confidence. I thought that if you knew what you wanted and were assertive, you could create a birth experience that aligned with your preferences. But my experience showed me it’s not so simple.

Even though I am well-educated about childbirth and typically assertive, there were times when my energy and determination were worn down. In a highly medicalised setting, I found myself continually defending my choices, sometimes with success and other times not.

I’m grateful for my medical team, however, the constant negotiations and gentle persistence of medical staff added a layer of complexity that I hadn’t anticipated. By the end, I felt a mix of accomplishment and exhaustion.

Questioning the Message of "Advocate for Your Birth"

My birth experience taught me a valuable lesson: sometimes, advocating for your ideal birth isn’t entirely within your control, no matter how prepared you are. The message that you can “advocate your way to a positive birth” may be well-intentioned, but it’s also potentially unrealistic and even burdensome.

When things don’t go as planned, it’s easy to feel as if you’ve failed at advocating for yourself. The truth is, it’s not a personal failure; it’s a reflection of a complex system where the individual’s voice can only go so far.

My hope is that as we continue talking about empowerment in childbirth, we can also acknowledge the challenges and limitations of advocacy within a medical environment. Women deserve to feel supported in their choices and acknowledged when compromises are made. After all, birth is unpredictable, and true empowerment may sometimes mean finding peace with the journey, however it unfolds.